Lost in a daydream.

I don't even know what I am feeling now. Negative for sure, but my threshold for tears have raised significantly after all that bull over that particular shitty year.

I've been trying so many things to troubleshoot my experiments, to which all have shown no avail. I wasn't even sad, just a teeny disappointed because I didn't even have high hopes to begin with, neither do I feel like it's time I should give up because I know I won't be happy with myself if I hadn't fight till the very last. But at the same time, I wonder if my persistence is actually perseverance or stubbornness. There are so many things to do I need to clear my mind.

I have not even started with my resume and I don't even dare to think about preparing for job interviews.

And I feel like I am a super shitty friend and also a person because I have never instinctively think for others before myself. I only realise what was the right thing I should do minutes after the incident. Too late, can't salvage anything.

It is just one of the insomniac nights that everything come to haunt me at once. I know I could handle this if I sit down clear my mind and start planning and stick to my plans. But sometimes it is difficult to be strong enough to do what is right.